The Beginning of Forever
by NCCullenLover0613
Summary: My second fanfic. Bella's transformation is a choice, not forced because she is dying. It's an emotional process for her and Edward. Ignores BD. Rated T for suggestive themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters. They are, of course, the property of Stephenie Meyer. If I owned them, I'd be writing awesome books, not posting on Fanfic :-P**

**BPOV:**

We had been on our honeymoon for two weeks. Two amazing weeks. Our wedding was beautiful, thanks to Alice and her meticulous planning. I regretted being such a nuisance about the whole marriage thing. I failed to see the necessity of the ritual, but from the moment I heard the words "I do" pass through his lips, everything changed. From that moment on, I understood. I was Mrs. Edward Cullen and I loved everything about it.

We left immediately after the reception for Isle Esme, a surprise destination for me. It was absolutely breathtaking. That night, Edward and I made love for the first time. It was beautiful. It was also extremely tense and awkward, but mostly beautiful. And without casualty, except for the bed. There was but one more life-changing event to take place. This day, I would become Edward's for eternity, a fact that both excited and distressed me. Edward's family…my family came to Isle Esme for the day to support us. Edward spent most of the afternoon hunting with Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle, leaving me to spend some quality time with my new mom and sisters. When he returned, we excused ourselves for some time alone. We walked down the beach and my mind wandered to the discussion I had with Edward last week about this very day…

***

"So, Edward," I began nervously, "I was thinking we should talk about…about you changing me." I saw his jaw tighten and he clinched his fists. I knew this conversation wasn't going to go well. It never did. I was already prepared.

"Bella, be reasonable. We are not discussing your dea – we are not discussing this on our honeymoon."

"I say we are. Honeymoons are about romance, right? What can possibly be more romantic than discussing our being together for eternity?"

"You're being dramatic," he said dryly. "Please do not idealize this situation. It isn't romantic. It will be painful, Bella, NOT romantic."

"I want you to do it…next Sunday."

"Next Sunday? Are you out of your mind? This is going to take scrupulous planning. I've only just begun to think about the logistics of the situation."

"No, I'm not out of my mind. I have a plan..."

"Bella, please!" he interrupted me, his eyes filled with rage. "I was upset that you wanted to discuss this on our honeymoon and now you actually want me to…I can't even say it! Most people's definition of an ideal honeymoon doesn't involve writhing in pain."

"No, Edward. Listen to me! We can finish our honeymoon first. Next Sunday, we will have been here two weeks. That's a longer honeymoon than most can even ask for. The situation isn't going to get much better. You said we can stay here as long as we want, which is good since we can't really go back to Forks until I can control my thirst." I winced at the idea, but continued, "It's a private island meaning there are no other humans here, so there's no fear of my making a mistake. I can call Charlie and my mom. I'll let them know I'm safe and tell them we're staying here a while longer and then going house-hunting in Alaska before the semester starts. They will think we're starting this semester, although we know I can't start yet. It's really a perfect situation…" I continued.

"Bella, I can't do this."

"Eternity together, we already agreed! You said you don't want to do this because you think it's selfish. What about what I want? I want this and so do you! I know you do. I had my human experiences…I graduated, we got married, we made love…" I felt the tears welling in my eyes already and I willed them not to fall. I stomped away to our room feeling both angry and sad. I sat on our bed and called Carlisle, knowing that he would be easier to talk to than Edward.

"Hello? Bella?"

"Yes Carlisle, it's me. Edward and I were…discussing my transformation," I began. I explained my plan and why I thought this was the perfect place and time.

"It seems like you have put a lot of thought into this."

"Yes, well I am glad you think so. If you're not busy or working, perhaps you can come here…perhaps you should be the one…to do it…"

"Bella, you know I would be glad to, if that's what you really want but I sense that isn't the case…."

"What I want is for my husband to want to do this," I began to sob uncontrollably, "for my husband…to want to keep me…for forever…enough that…he will do it…." I managed between sobs. I took a deep breath. I felt Edward's cold hand on my shoulder try to comfort me. _Damn vampire senses. Can't you just leave me alone?_

"Bella…please don't cry," Carlisle consoled me.

I sobbed into the phone for several minutes. "I love him and I want to do this for _us_. But I need to know that he'll be there to comfort me and that he's just as eager for this as I am. That is the only way the pain will be tolerable. Why is he so hot and cold? He said he wanted this too but now he says he can't do it!"

"Edward is very sensitive when it comes to your life because loves you very much, you know that. He has a difficult time being realistic with you and he has quite a hard time understanding the capacity of your love for him. Sometimes, he still sees us as deplorable creatures and because of that he doesn't think he deserves you. Even more so, he is afraid that once you become what we are, that you will resent him for doing this to you."

"But I love him so much…I love him more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone. And all of you are so caring and compassionate…I can never see you as…monsters." I whispered the last word because it was so hard to even say it.

"I know, Bella. And you have been remarkable for him. You alone are responsible for bringing out the life in him that seemed to have faded long ago." I sobbed harder. "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Let me speak to Edward."

I handed him the phone and silently excused myself to the restroom, locking myself inside. I curled up on the floor and continued sobbing. Moments later I heard a knock at the door.

"Bella…" Edward called, hesitation in his voice.

"Go away!" I shouted. I heard him sigh.

"Bella, sweetheart…please?" I waited and he continued. "I'm sorry, love. You caught me by surprise. Please open the door. I want to hold you. And I want to talk to you."

I opened the door and in an instant he scooped me up and cradled me to his chest, stroking my hair. He placed his palm on my check and gently wiped my tears with his thumb. Still I said nothing. He carried me to the small sofa in our bedroom and sat down, brushing underneath my chin so that I would look up at him.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I wasn't prepared to talk about this yet. You surprised me and I responded poorly. Carlisle and I spoke for a while. He reminded me that this…what you're asking of me…is about you and me and our undeniable love for one another. What he said to you is true. Sometimes I can't comprehend the capacity of your love for me. And I am scared, very scared. What I meant to say…what I should have said is that I'm not prepared to do this without a plan. There are things that I need, one of which is to have Carlisle here with me. I need you, Bella. And I love you. And I do want you forever. How you don't know that is beyond me. Please forgive me."

"I love you, too. And of course I forgive you. Always. Don't be scared that I won't love you anymore. That will never happen. You don't see yourself clearly. I know what you are and I'm far from afraid of it."

"You really are ready," he said.

"Yes, I really am. I have wanted this for a long time but I see now that I really wasn't ready then. Not like I am now. We have been through so much and all of it had a purpose. When you came into my life, you taught me how to love. When you left me," I winced, realizing I should have chosen my words better, "you taught me the endurance of love, that it isn't something easily forgotten."

He tried to look away but I touched my palm to the side of his face. I continued, "Even my love for Jake taught me that one love isn't equivalent to another. What I have with you is something special, something unique, and no one can take your place in my heart. Finding you again taught me that we are meant to be together. And marrying you taught me that this is no longer _my_ love, it is _our_ love. We are in this together. It wasn't until now that I understood that love really is forever. And now, I'm ready to start forever with you."

Edward kissed me softly. He sighed, struggling with his words. "I thought I had learned so much in the century that I have been alive." He shook his head. "You have taught me everything…." He smiled wide at me and murmured, "I'm ready now too, my love. Next Sunday, you will be mine forever."

***

"You're terribly quiet, love. Are you alright?" he queried.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about eternity." I smiled at him. He simply nodded.

He was being unusually quiet as well. He had been all day. I was sure he was thinking about the impending event as well. About a mile down the beach, we found a nice spot to sit for a while. I sat in front of him between his legs, leaning my head back against his chest, his arms wrapped around me. Exactly how long we sat that way in silence, I can't be sure but eventually the sun descended below the horizon and I knew we would return soon.

"Bella," he began, "I already know the answer, but I must ask one more time. I must give you one last chance out. Are you – "

"Yes, I am sure about this," I answered before he even finished. I knew what he would ask, and I knew all along that he would ask again. No matter how many times I reassured him that I wanted him for eternity, he still questioned me. Silently, we stood and walked hand-in-hand back into the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**BPOV: **

"Carlisle, it's time," Edward said.

"Wait, first…I'd like a moment with everyone. I have a few things to say." Everyone gathered around in the living room. Edward stood beside me, his fingers laced in mine. "I…um…thank you, all of you, for your support. You have been wonderful to me and I can't thank you enough for making me feel like family and for accepting me even though I'm different from you. I do have some favors to ask of each of you though, if it's not too much. I looked at Esme. "Edward will need your encouraging words over the next few days. Please be the excellent mother that you are and offer him as much of it as you have." She nodded. I turned to Jasper and Alice. "Jasper, I know this house will be filled with all kinds of emotions. I know it becomes overwhelming for you on occasion so, please, if it's too much…promise that you will leave and give yourself a break. Alice, you and Edward have a unique bond. He will share things with you that he doesn't share with anyone else. I know that you would do this without my asking, but please get him to tell you what he's thinking. And when you have visions of this coming out well, let him see them. Remind him that everything is going to be okay." They both nodded in agreement and Alice hugged me tight. "Emmett, this one's easy." I smiled. "If Edward tries to do anything rash, stop him. You're the only one strong enough." The next was the hardest. "Rosalie…" I breathed. Edward squeezed my hand encouragingly. "I know that you don't agree with my decision and I thank you for telling me your story. However, I love Edward more than anything and I have made my decision. Please try to understand. I…I would like to have your support."

"I will never understand, Bella, but I will try to be supportive of your decision. I realize we haven't had a great relationship, but even I can see that what you and Edward have is special," Rosalie responded. I sighed in relief.

"Thank you." I smiled at her. "And Carlisle…offer Edward your expertise in transformations and try to make this as easy for him as possible. I know that will be a challenge, but try." We exchanged hugs with everyone and Edward and I escaped to the bedroom. Carlisle followed us to offer assistance. The others left in case the scent of my blood was too much. I sat beside Edward on the bed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Do either of you have questions?" Carlisle asked.

"I do," I spoke. "How many bites will there be?"

"Five," said Edward. "One on each wrist, one on the inside of each thigh, and, of course, one on your neck." I nodded my head in understanding, fidgeting with the hem of my dress.

"You're nervous," Carlisle observed.

"Yes, a little," I responded.

"Would you like something to help you relax?"

"No, it's bearable."

"Any other questions?"

"No," I said simply.

Carlisle turned to Edward. "You, son?"

"No." He exhaled audibly.

"You can do this," Carlisle responded. "I believe in you. I'll be right outside the door. Call me in when you're finished."

I lay down on the bed and Edward joined me, draping his cool arm across my chest. I turned on my side to face him.

"Bella, I love you. So much," Edward whispered.

"I love you too, Edward."

"I'm afraid."

"Edward…" I locked eyes with him. "I trust you."

"Thank youe," he murmured as he propped himself up on his elbow and looked me in the eyes. "Aren't you afraid at all?"

"Yes, of course I am. But not in the way you think. I'm just not sure what to expect and I'm a little scared of the unknown. I do want this."

"I know, sweetheart. So do I." He kissed my lips slowly but urgently. "Please try to remember how much I love you."

"Of course. I'll never forget that," I whispered, smiling. "Eternity."

"Eternity," he responded kissing me tenderly. He trailed soft kisses down my neck and stopped at the hollow of my throat. He kissed it softly and hesitated, letting an audible sigh escape his lips. Then I felt his teeth pierce easily through my delicate flesh, transferring the venom into my bloodstream. He took a few draws of my blood and I gasped stifling a few curses against the intensity of the pain, even though I was expecting it. Then he licked the wound closed. The venom was like acid burning through my skin.

"It…hurts," I said, whimpering.

"I know, Bella. Trust me, I know. I'm sorry, love…" he whispered.

"Don't be," I managed to say keeping my voice somewhat even. The remaining four bites were much the same. My skin and veins began to burn with the fire of Edward's venom. I could still hear his voice as he called for Carlisle to come back, though it sounded very distant. I heard him ask about my vitals and when Carlisle responded that everything seemed to be going as it should, Edward lay back by my side, placed his arms around me, and began to sob tearlessly.

"Son, she's going to be fine. Now we just wait," Carlisle reassured him. "I know this is the hardest part, but you did everything right. She'll be in the least amount of pain as possible, as far as these things go."

***

The fire started out small, concentrated on the entry wounds but quickly began to take over my entire body. Sometimes I heard screaming. It was my own. I tried to concentrate. _Edward. I am doing this to be with Edward. Damnit I want to die! Focus, Bella. Edward._ Sometimes I heard him. I tried to concentrate on him. It didn't help the pain at all, but it reminded me why I was enduring this torture.

"Bella, love, I have no idea if you can hear me. I just want you to know how much I love you. I hate seeing you in pain. Changing you was a very intense experience…so violent and yet so intimate. This will probably sound silly but I feel connected to you now, in a new way. This is the way it was meant to be. Your blood in me, my venom in you. Your blood was as intoxicating as I remember it; still I had no trouble stopping the frenzy. The memory of existing without you is so painful that I shy away from anything that could ever make me feel that empty again. It's a simple evolutionary process, really." I lost him there. I tried to come back to his voice but it was too far away.

Everywhere I looked, the flames were there. They were burning me alive! My legs, my arms, my chest, my face, all of me…burning! _How long has it been? I can't take this any more! _I heard more screaming and I writhed in pain. Then I felt something slightly cool touch my face. It didn't put out the flames, but it was just enough to distract me. _Edward! It must be Edward's hand. _

"Love….you…Edward," I said, although I'm not sure how coherent. My concentration didn't last long before the flames returned full force. Every cell in my body was ablaze now. I tried to run, but encountered only more flames! I heard more screaming and this time it wouldn't go away. Then I heard a new sound. Humming. My lullaby! Edward was humming my lullaby. I focused all of me onto that sound. That beautiful angelic sound. _Oh how I love him. _I thought about the first time I met him, our first kiss, his beautiful face on our wedding day, the first time we made love. I thought about what it would be like to make love to him when I awoke as a vampire. I wanted to see him. I tried to open my eyes but to no avail. I felt the fire grow rapidly in intensity. I knew it must be the end. I screamed once more and felt my chest rise off the bed. Then nothing, everything was black.

***

**EPOV:**

The last three days had been torture. I couldn't stand to see my Bella in pain. Especially not pain that I caused. Pain that I knew I couldn't stop. I knew that she wanted this. Hell, I were being perfectly truthful, I knew that the selfish part of me wanted this. But not then. Not when I saw her like that. She was being tortured and I couldn't stop it. I remembered the pain all too well. It was almost the worst pain of my existence. Second only to my leaving Bella. In both cases, I would have chosen death. Still, I would take the pain two-fold if I could be in her place…if there was some way around her having to endure the living hell. I kept reminding myself that we would be together for eternity after this and she would never have to feel pain again. I tried to take comfort in that fact.

The act itself was quite emotional. I was making her mine forever. I was giving her eternal life and at the same time, I was killing her. It was so overwhelming that, as soon as Carlisle told me that everything was progressing normally, I curled up behind her and wept tearlessly but openly. Normally, I would have been embarrassed that everyone could hear me, but at that moment, I didn't even care. After a while, Alice came in and placed her tiny hand on my shoulder. I thanked her for the sentiment.

I didn't know how much Bella could hear me, but I talked to her endlessly. Some moments were quiet, other moments her screams drowned out every other sound. Once, I thought I heard her whisper that me she loved me. How she could think about that given her situation, I would never know. Family members came and went, offering encouragement and sympathy. Jasper even offered to shield some of the tension and anxiety, but I politely declined.

Carlisle came in and told me I should be prepared for her final heartbeat. He told me how difficult it was for him the first time. How difficult it was for him to hear my heart pump its last strained beat. It was, no doubt, be hard for me. I had become so attune to her heartbeat, I could pick it out in a crowd full of humans. For so long, it had been music to me. A reminder that she was real and that she was alive. That would soon be gone. I listened as it grew painfully slow and I began humming her lullaby. Her heart struggled as it squeezed the thick venom and pumped for the last time. Her body writhed and her chest rose off of the bed as she let out her last scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to die. I wanted to pull the bedroom door off its hinges and throw it angrily through the window. Carlisle sensed my tension and told me to be strong. He told me that she needed me now, so I continued to hum.


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV:**

The sound of my lullaby came in and out of focus. I didn't feel the pain anymore but I was in a fog. I tried to focus, to follow the sound of my lullaby through the fog toward the light. Then I awoke. Suddenly I heard everything. I heard some footsteps pacing outside the bedroom door. I heard the leaves on the trees rustled by the breeze outside and the sand moving beneath the waves that crashed to the shore. I heard someone dealing cards in the living room. I heard a pen screeching against a sheet of paper.

"Bella?" I hear my name. It was loud. I felt something on my hand. It was another hand. It wasn't cold. _Who is touching me? Edward should be here. I would know his cold touch. I want Edward!_ Panic washed over me and I found myself against the wall on the other side of the room. _What the…?_ I looked up and saw him. _My Edward. It was him! _Suddenly I understood._ O__f course his hand doesn't feel cold. I am a vampire now. He's the same temperature as me._ The bedroom door opened and Carlisle entered followed by the rest of the family. I tried to focus on Edward. He was looking at me cautiously, anxiety in his eyes. His eyes had the slightest tint of a red ring on the outer edges. Too pale for human eyes to notice I was sure. From drinking my blood I guessed. He reached out a hand to me and spoke.

"Bella, love…I know it's disorienting, but you're ok." He stepped toward me, still cautiously and Jasper crouched in a defensive stance in front of Alice. _There must be danger nearby. Is the Volturi here? _Instinctively, I snarled at the threat. All eyes were on me. _Oh, right. I'm a newborn. I am the danger. _I reached out for Edward's hand and he pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me.

"Easy, Bella," he said gently. I looked up at him confused. It must have shown on my face because he immediately clarified. "Ow." I was squeezing Edward too tightly. Unbelievable. I had completely forgotten that I would be stronger than him. I loosened my grip and felt his shoulders relax.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot." I didn't recognize my own voice. It was melodic. I turned my eyes toward the floor.

"It's okay. I'm not hurt. I was just…reminding you."

"I'm sorry I um…growled at you. Or whatever that noise was. I sensed danger…but then I realized that I am the danger. I'm fine. I'm not dangerous," I whispered in his ear certain he could hear the pain in my voice. Jasper rose from his crouched position.

"It's okay, love," he whispered back stroking my hair.

"Bella, I'm sorry. It's become my instinct to be on guard around newborns," Jasper explained. I nodded, still taking in my surroundings. Alice bounded toward me from behind Jasper.

"See, I told you it would be okay. You look beautiful!" she chimed and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Thanks, Alice."

Emmett and Rosalie were along the farthest wall and remained quiet.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle questioned.

"Umm…fine? Is that okay?"

"Of course that's okay. Unusual, but okay." He offered a smile.

"Overwhelmed, actually. That's how I feel."

"Oh, right. Of course. We'll leave you alone with Edward for a little while so you can become accustomed to all of the stimuli."

"Thanks," I replied. "I mean, I hope I'm not being rude. I appreciate that you're all here, it's just so much," I said with a pleading look.

"By no means are you being rude. We've all been there," Carlisle reassured me.

"Welcome to the family, Bella." Esme smiled at me before leaving the room. Alice pulled Jasper out begging him to take her shopping. Rosalie stopped in front of me and smiled slightly. I was a bit startled.

"Welcome, sis," she offered shyly. I smiled a silent thank you to her as she left the room. Emmett chuckled and reminded me of our impending arm wrestling match. Carlisle conversed silently with Edward before leaving and closing the door behind him. I walked toward the bed but was surprised how quickly I arrived there. Afraid that I would break something, I gently sat on the edge of the bed and Edward followed my lead. I tried not to notice the large space he left between us.

"So, you are feeling okay?" he asked.

"Well, yes. Other than the fact that I don't know how to work this." I motioned to my body.

"It will come. We will all help you." There was silence for several minutes. "So you don't feel anything else?"

"No." I hesitated. "Well, yes. I feel _everything_. I see everything. I _hear_ everything."

"I know it's a lot. You'll learn to filter it. I promise."

Another few minutes passed in silence. He was so quiet. I thought he would have so much to say to me. I thought he would be excited. My insecurities got the best of me.

"You're scared," he said finally.

"Yes. I am. Edward…um, why are you so distant?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is just so…different." Rejection coursed through my body.

"My heart doesn't beat anymore."

"Yes, that's true."

"My eyes are red, not brown."

"That is true as well, but they will fade. They will become golden amber like ours."

"Do you not…want me anymore?" He froze against me, suddenly tense.

"What? What kind of insanity is this? My existence is nothing without you!" He immediately closed the gap between us on the bed and put his arm around me.

"But you're acting so…strange."

"I'm so sorry I've given you the wrong impression. I'm sorry I didn't give you the welcome that you deserve. I was just trying to give you some space, some time to adjust and reorient yourself. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing."

"But you said that it is different…"

"It is. But not in a bad way! It is different because…" He sighed. "Because I keep thinking about how we can be together now and I'm using all of my restraint to keep my hands off of you. You said you were overwhelmed so I'm trying not to overload your senses." I giggled, immediately relieved.

"I love you, Edward," I said

"As I love you, Bella. Welcome home sweetheart," he replied kissing my forehead. I lay back and pulled him on top of me.

"I think I can manage the sensory overload."


End file.
